At the tail end of 2018 and the early part of 2019 I suffered from depression without even knowing it. I opened my own cafe and the money pressures and the inexperience all got too much. I was going to my car and crying, but I did not know why, I just put it down to the pressures of business. I would just walk around aimlessly in fog, with no energy and no appetite (losing 3 stone), feeling sick. I would just sit on the bed in the morning and could not face the effort to put my socks on. Used to wear glasses all the time as I could not be bother to put my contact lenses in! Very dark and sad times.
Everything became very distant and foggy around the edges. I would be in a room with people but everything felt like it was very distant and I felt alone. I did not want to speak to my staff, friends or family and pushed them away. I then started to hit the self destruct button.
I started to push my family away including the 3 kids and my wife. In my head I did not want to be in my marriage or my family home anymore, and I thought my life would be better elsewhere. I was convinced that I wanted out and I was doing all possible to make that happen by any means even it seems to the point of getting thrown out.
My wife Liz Sim is my rock and my soulmate. Always has been and always will be. I know this more than ever now. She noticed that I had depression where all others had not or had in a way and noticed a change in me, but did not feel they could say anything and also more in hindsight it is easier to see. So off to the doctors I went and they confirmed without a doubt I had depression.
My wife dragged me through the tough time of taking the tablets and the huge impact these have on you at first and dragging me out of the other side. If it had not been for my wife to stick by me when I was doing everything to get away from her, I have no idea where I would be today. I owe everything to her and will continue to give my all, as she is the reason I have a marriage and my kids are still in my life. I will never forget the heart wrenching pain she went through to get me out of the other side of the very dark place I was in. I came off the tablets in April 2020, 15 months after starting them.
At the same time I started running, and cycling again. Things that I had just stopped doing, things I love doing, at the same time I stopped communicating with friends, listening to music and watching or showing an interest in football. When I run I think at first about things in life, things that motivate me to run, cycle and now row. Then I zone out and forget about this world and just be, just for 10/15 minutes. Me and my music and exercise and that is my therapy.
Running lead me to run 1,000 in 2020 and then a break, and a stop start to 2021, with coming off my bike, bike breaking and then chesty cold, sinus problems and then antibiotics gave me abdomen problems. Just today I started my 100 miles in October for MIND with a 5.35 mile row, which is what I plan to do most of the 100 miles in October doing.
I’m happy and I plan to stay happy. I don’t just love my wife I’m in love and adore her and we are very happy again and have a happy family unit. I will continue to do everything possible to keep my wife and me and the family happy. I would pretty much say I would do anything for her, I owe her that much. Also I will know the signs if the black clouds ever do circle around and it will be my wife that I run straight too. It’s alright not to be alright.
Be mindful 😊. Check in on that friend today 💕
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We want to say a big Thank You to Kev for sharing his story!
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